For most of us, becoming a single mom by choice was not a Plan A. In fact, for many of us, becoming a single mom by choice was the last thing we ever considered. Kristy Katzman, is a great example of someone who never thought she’d move forward without a partner, freeze her eggs or still be on this journey to become a mom. She even went on a reality TV show Labor of Love to find a partner to have a baby with. But she vowed that if it didn’t work out through the show, she’d have a baby on her own.
Well, it didn’t work out and she’s 3 years into her journey to become a single mom by choice but coming up against a lot of fear and indecision. Life’s been throwing her a lot of curve balls and it’s been really hard to move forward.
And, this is so universal for so many of my clients. They end up back and forth–feeling uncertain and then getting knocked back and wondering if it’s the right choice. Or they are up against so much disappointment and devastation in trying to get pregnant, that they just can’t find the motivation to move forward. They ask themselves, if it was meant to be, would it really be this hard? Should I take it as a sign that it hasn’t yet worked out?
My main advice, don’t expect to feel 100% certain! Doubt will always arise so you just have to get used to it. Instead, listen for the moments of clarity. Notice them and trust them when they arise. And, pay attention to what comes up when you feel like your best, most capable self. That’s when your true desires can be heard!
And one piece of inspiration. In my 7 years of working with single moms by choice, I’ve asked countless women whether they would do it again solo if given the chance, or whether they still wish they’d found a partner. And every single woman I’ve asked except one, has said that given the chance to do it again in partnership, she would still choose to do it alone.
So, even though becoming a single mom by choice might not start out as your Plan A, it’s likely that in the end, you will wish it was your first plan. And, more and more women are choosing it as their Plan A.
It was lots of fun to record with Kristy. She’s Unscripted is all about reclamation so we also go deep into my story and all its twists and turns –my career as a lawyer gone awry, being on disability, how I finally recovered and ended up in this most unexpected place as not only a single mom by choice but someone who specializes in working with SMC’s.
You can also check out a recent blog post by Kristy, “What I Wish I Knew About My Fertility.” It’s got some great wisdom!