I gave birth to my son on April 3rd, 2014. He is simply perfect! I can’t imagine mothering any other baby. There is no way to explain how much he truly feels like 100% my child. But he doesn’t actually share any genetic material with me. I had to use an egg donor to conceive. Because I am a single mom by choice, that means he’s what’s being called a 100% Donor baby. Yet, I never question the fact that he doesn’t actually share my genes. He’s just simply MY perfect son!
It took me a long time to decide whether to pursue single motherhood. By the time I decided to make the move, the doctors were already telling me I should go straight to egg donation. Initially, I questioned whether I would even want a child if it did not share my genetics. I refused to listen, needing to see if I could be the one that would beat the odds. I tried for over a year to get pregnant. I have been devoted to mind/body practices and alternative health for over a decade so I turned to that first. But I took numerous supplements, gave up alcohol, wheat, and sugar to boost my fertility. But I wasn’t even ovulating with any regularity. Then I turned to fertility drugs with equally disappointing results and the addition of ovarian cysts.
However, during my many devastating unsuccessful attempts to get pregnant, I got very clear about wanting to carry a child in my own body. At one point, the RE called into question whether there was a problem with my uterus that might prevent a pregnancy of any kind. In that moment, I got very clear that the important thing for me was being able to carry a child, no matter whose genetics the child carried. I’d previously stumbled upon the idea of epigenetics that made me realize I’d have more influence over the traits and personality of my child than might have otherwise been thought, just by carrying the baby in utero. The basic concept of epigenetics is that the genome is covered in protein tags that make up the epigenome. These tags cause genes to express or remain silent. For example, differences in the epigenome can cause a mouse that is genetically coded for brown hair, to give birth to a yellow haired mouse. Studies like these suggest that the in utero environment such as diet and stress levels play a critical role in the overall genetic expression of the child. I thought about how the baby would bathe in my juices for 9.5 months, experiencing my emotions and thoughts on a biochemical level, hearing my voice, feeling my rhythm and smelling me. The link felt significant enough to make me comfortable with egg donation.
After researching options for egg donation in the US, I realized that I was facing and incredibly expensive project. I had been very unhappy with my experience with the high-end fertility clinic and reluctant to fork out $40K to them, so I started researching other options such as egg banks, egg sharing, embryo adoption and egg donation abroad. I eventually landed on using an egg donor in Cancun, Mexico, mainly because I could see adult pictures of egg donors and because I have a friend who owns a hotel close to Cancun that I could go with. I got pregnant on the first try and gave birth on his due date to a very healthy 9 lbs. 4 oz. baby. I’ve never been so happy in my life.
After years as an executive and somatic life coach, I’m excited to share my insight and support to women embarking on this journey. I want to reach out to every woman who’s been told that she can’t have a baby using her own eggs and tell her don’t worry, you can still have the baby you are meant to have!
Join Plan C Mama Newsletter
Get my newsletter, discounts and announcements relevant to any stage of the single mom by choice journey